Confessions of a Driven and Disabled Woman by Nancy Gordon, LCSW 2018
Ok, I admit it.
I didn’t know how to relax and just BE. I was a “DO-er”. A type A, alright… a perfectionist. For me, taking time out from “DO-ing” was particularly difficult. And, this kept me from living a life of balance. All my life I struggled with perfectionism, and that drove me to be constantly in motion.
Then I had a car accident, and the instant the metal of our two cars collided, my life was forever changed. Who I was ceased to be, and I became an extrovert trapped in an introvert’s body, suffering from fibromyalgia (a widespread chronic muscle pain condition) and a mild traumatic brain injury.
Needless to say, this was torture for me! I wanted to be out and about in the world, doing things...anything but staying at home, just doing nothing (ha! what others call relaxing).
When I finally surrendered to the fact that I could no longer keep this pace of “doing” and was forced to surrender, I did the one thing I vowed never to do: I filed for disability.
If I thought I was already depressed, I had no idea how much further down that rabbit hole I would go once I gave up my private practice and moved back home with my parents! It became glaringly clear that the source of my self-esteem came not from who I was or from “BE-ing,” but rather from “DO-ing.” I couldn’t see any value, my value, in just being or resting. Resting meant doing nothing and just being. What? From the moment I went on disability, I was trying to find ways to get off of it and return to my life purpose: working, doing, helping. But being on disability meant that I had to learn to be still, “to be a human “BE-ing,” not a human “DO-ing.”
My gift from this experience? I created balance in my life. I began to create a wholeness within who I “BE”, apart from what I DO (working). I learned other ways to show up in the world, which gave me a sense of value and purpose. Balance your DO-ing and BE-ing and you will rediscover the divine joy of who you really are…not to mention stress reduction!
Excerpt from Step 3 in the 7 Steps of Hope and Healing™ The Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Impact of Chronic Illness and Disability© by Nancy Gordon, LCSW ©2018
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~Wishing you an amazing adventure in finding your balance with grace and ease.